Three weeks down, who knows how many to go!

Well, it's thursday again. I've had a couple of requests for an update on the situation with the head and my class. Here goes. So, Tuesday morning I went to an observation at another school that is partnered with our school. This school is supposably a "good" school, and ours is a "poor" school because we failed our annual inspection by OFSTEAD (an agency that moniters school success). I was supposed to observe a teacher and talk about things that went well and things that could be improved. I went with another teacher from our school, who, during the talking part kept saying "no disrespect" while bashing all of my ideas of what could have been changed about the lesson. She basically called my Ontario qualifications garbage because they were just theory and they did not work in the real world classroom. (for those eddie nerds who want to know, I was talking about wait time two, and not affirming an answer immediately, among other things).

Sorry, this blog isn't about her, or how she ruined my day. This is about when I got back to the school and talked to the head teacher. When I arrived back, it was just in time for the kids to make their way to the assembly. I could hear the head teacher yelling at them from down the hall. I stayed out of the way because I knew that they would all get excited if they saw me, and I wouldn't want them to get into more trouble. I did pick them up from assembly though, and they were all so excited to have me back. At lunch the head took me aside into my classroom and told me that I needed to be more strict. He said they were like "little animals that need to be trained. Like little puppies". He demonstrated how I was supposed to yell at them, and that I didn't have to worry about covering all of the curriculum right away, but that I should train them first. I don't think they are that bad. I have cracked down on them talking in the halls, and I do believe that they are the quietest class in the school. I have also cracked down on their fiddling, but I don't think that yelling at them is the way to do it. I have been yelling at them, because the head told me to, but I feel like I am being mean!! I was yelling at them the other day, and I just stopped, and I said "am I being too mean?" and they were so cute, and they all said "no, miss, you aren't too mean". Oh, they are so cute. I told them that if I get too mean that they should tell me. Yesterday I was frustrated with them because they were talking and not getting work done, so for the last ten minutes of the day I made them sit in silence. They hated it, and one girl came up to me after and said that I was too mean. I don't like being too mean. I don't like having to yell.

I was supposed to be observed by the head today, but he was out of the school so I was not. That was a relief. I am afraid that he will come in and say "you suck as a teacher in this school, you are not what we are looking for, and you are fired!" Just like Donald Trump. Then I will have to take my suitcase and leave, all dejected like, and I will be a failure. Ok, so maybe I am exagerating, but he did tell me that there was a teacher last year who couldn't get a handle on her class and she had to leave. And he said "but I don't want that to happen to you". Like that didn't scare the be-jeebers out of me!! So that is the only reason I feel like I have to yell at these kids. Usually we have a good time!

Today I had one girl who was being rude. I asked her to stop talking and she looked me in the eye and said "no". I sent her to the hall where she sat crying for the rest of the period. The following is the rest of the converstation I had with her after class.

me: "why are you mad?"
sophie: "I don't know."
me: "are you mad because you couldn't read the words?" (she can't read)
sophie: "no"
me: "are you mad because the work is too hard?"
sophie:"no"
me: "are you mad at me because I yelled at you?"
sophie: "yes. My mom doesn't like you because you take us out late every day and you weren't the teacher that I was supposed to have."
Like that's entirely my fault??
Then, she said something that broke my heart. I said I was sorry that I had to yell at her, but that she was acting rude, and I couldn't have that in my classroom. She said that her mom yells at her because she is stupid. I promised her that I would never yell at her because she is stupid. I might yell at her because she is acting bad, or because she is not listening, but never because she is stupid. She and I have a little joke that she will someday be the smartest girl in the class. I think we both know it won't ever happen. But she likes to pretend and I like to encourage her to try her best, even if she isn't as smart as the other kids. She is really cute. I don't like her mom so much anymore. I say, if you have something to say to me, say it. If I am doing something wrong, then let me know so I can fix it. Don't be rude about it.

Only 21 working days til mid term break. Yes, I am counting the days. It's not that I am not enjoying it, I just think that there are things I could be enjoying more. Like travelling, or shopping, or I don't know, whatever. I do enjoy the kids, I won't lie. There are some really cute ones. They drive me up the wall, but they are so cute! Oxy-moron? Probably.

I'm so tired!! It's not even nine yet and I am wiped. I can't seem to get any work done at home, but I should at least try. I'll blog again soon.

Love you all!